The Power of Asking The Right Question
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Unsplash.
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PROJECT OF THE WEEK
One of the things I hear most often from clients with ADHD sounds something like this:
“Neurotypical people just do things. They don’t overthink it. It’s not hard for them.”
And I get why it feels that way.
From the outside, it can look like other people simply follow through because they’re “supposed to”. They pay bills on time, return emails, keep up with laundry, and handle everyday tasks without the internal debate that can feel exhausting for someone with ADHD.
But here’s the part that often gets missed: Many people who do follow through aren’t asking, “Do I want to do this?” at all.
They’re asking a completely different question.
Ari Tuckman, a psychologist and ADHD expert whose work I deeply respect, shared this during a recent training, and it immediately stuck with me. He said:
“Do I want to work on this? is never the right question to ask.”
Because honestly, no one ever wants to scoop the cat litter. And yet, somehow, it still gets done.
Not because it’s enjoyable. Not because it feels motivating in the moment. But because we’re able to think a step ahead.
The more helpful question is this:
In the future, how am I going to feel about having done this now?
That question changes everything.
When you ask, “Do I want to do this?” the answer is often no. Especially for tasks that feel boring, uncomfortable, or overwhelming. And for ADHD brains, “no” can shut the whole process down.
But when you ask, “How will future-me feel if this is already done?” you invite a different part of your brain into the conversation.
Future-you might feel relieved. Less stressed. Proud. Free to focus on something else.
Or, just as important, future-you might feel frustrated, rushed, or overwhelmed if it doesn’t get done.
Learning to account for how you’ll feel later is a skill. It’s not about willpower. It’s not about being more disciplined. It’s about asking better questions and thinking about future-you.
And that’s something many neurotypical people have learned. often without realizing it.
When clients start practicing this shift, I see real change. Decisions feel less personal and less emotional. Tasks stop being about whether you want to do them and start being about how you want to feel later.
Getting Started
So the next time you’re stuck, try pausing and asking yourself:
How will I feel tonight if this is already done?
How will tomorrow feel if I don’t do this now?
What would future-me thank me for?
These questions don’t magically make tasks fun. But they often make them doable.
And sometimes, that’s all the difference we need.
Ready to Get Started?
If you're feeling excited about putting this strategy into action and could use a little extra accountability and support, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak is here to help! Designed to set you up for success, it’s the perfect tool to keep you on track and moving forward.
Let’s make progress together—because great results start with great planning!
A Note from Happy Spaces
Our goal is simple: to add value to your life. If you think this project will be helpful, here are some steps to set yourself up for success:
Estimate how long it will take—then double it. Giving yourself extra time helps reduce stress.
Schedule it on your calendar for the week ahead. Setting a specific date increases follow-through.
Break it up if it will take more than an hour. Tackling it in smaller steps makes it more manageable.
Make a list of every action needed before you start. A clear plan helps keep you on track.
Do what works for you—you don’t have to complete every part, just what adds value to your life.
Find an Accountability Partner—having support makes it easier to stay committed.
We understand that building new habits and systems can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. For additional support, visit HappySpacesBySarah.com and let’s make organizing and planning easier together.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®
Sincerely,
Sarah Weingarten
Meet Sarah
As the oldest of nine kids with two working parents, I grew up juggling many responsibilities at home. Organization and time management became my lifeline amidst the chaos.
I attended the Cornell Hotel School and pursued my childhood dream of working in the hospitality industry. In 2016, I launched Happy Spaces, combining my passion for structure and efficiency with helping others.
I love working with students to develop essential organizational, time management, and study skills. These skills empower them to reach their full potential, build confidence, and create a future they feel good about.