You Can’t Learn a Lesson You Can’t Relate To
Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova on Unsplash.
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PROJECT OF THE WEEK
One of the things I’ve learned working with students, especially those with ADHD or executive functioning challenges, is this:
You can’t learn a lesson you can’t relate to.
You can explain the value of college. You can talk about majors, careers, job security, “the future,” all of it. But if a student has never felt the need for money, responsibility, or independence in their own life, those concepts don’t land. Not really.
College becomes something they “should” do. Not something they need.
And “shoulds” rarely motivate anyone, teenagers least of all.
The Missing Link: Lived Experience
I see this all the time.
A student tells me they want all these wonderful things: uber eats, weekend trips with friends, a newer car, the latest iPhone, concert tickets. Perfectly normal wants.
But they can’t connect that those wants cost money. And money comes from a job. And good, stable jobs usually require training, effort, and yes, some level of education or skill-building.
It’s not that they’re entitled. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s that they genuinely can’t connect the dots yet.
Because no one has ever required them to.
If you’ve never had to pay for your own “wants,” it’s almost impossible to understand why a decent-paying job matters. And if you’ve never needed a job, college can feel like an abstract “next step,” not a bridge to the life you actually want.
Parents Mean Well… And It Backfires
I work with so many well-meaning parents who only ever wanted the best for their kids. They wanted to make life easier. They wanted to remove obstacles. They wanted their child to feel supported.
And the intention is beautiful.
But sometimes, when kids never have to earn, budget, struggle a little, or experience natural consequences, they also never learn the skills that life will eventually require.
In high school, did you have a summer job you had to wake up for? Did you need that job to pay for your wants?
Most of our kids haven’t. And that matters.
Because whether we like it or not, those messy teenage jobs, babysitting, scooping ice cream, folding T-shirts at the mall, teach so much more than how to work a cash register. They teach responsibility. Planning. Effort. Pride. Cause and effect. The relationship between time and money.
Without those early experiences, college feels like high school 2.0: something you go to because everyone else does, not because it matters to your life.
Why “Should” Fails Every Time
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again:
Kids don’t magically start waking up on their own just because they’re in college. They don’t magically start taking their medication because they now live in a dorm. And they don’t magically understand the importance of a job because a parent told them it’s important.
Behavior doesn’t change because of a should. Behavior changes when there is a need.
But if everything has always been taken care of for them, there is no need. At least not one they can feel in their bones.
Getting Started
So What Do We Do?
We help them make the connection.
Not through lectures. Not through guilt. Through experience.
Through small, real-life moments where the lesson is relatable:
“Let’s look at how much that weekly takeout habit actually costs.”
“If you want this, what job could help you pay for it?”
“What responsibilities do you want as a young adult?”
“Here’s how much it costs to live the way you want. How can we get you closer?”
Instead of talking at them, we invite them into the process.
We help them see that college, or any path that builds skills, isn’t about pleasing parents. It’s about building the life they want.
A Gentle Closing Thought
Kids don’t wake up one morning with adult skills. None of us did.
They learn them slowly, through experience, through need, and through the natural consequences of life.
Our job, whether we are parents, teachers, or coaches, is to help them connect the dots, to make the abstract feel real, and to gently guide them toward understanding:
You can’t learn a lesson you can’t relate to.
But once you can relate? The learning sticks. The motivation grows. And the path forward becomes something they choose, because it finally makes sense.
Ready to Get Started?
If you're feeling excited about putting this strategy into action and could use a little extra accountability and support, the It’s All in the Planning Starter Pak is here to help! Designed to set you up for success, it’s the perfect tool to keep you on track and moving forward.
Let’s make progress together—because great results start with great planning!
A Note from Happy Spaces
Our goal is simple: to add value to your life. If you think this project will be helpful, here are some steps to set yourself up for success:
Estimate how long it will take—then double it. Giving yourself extra time helps reduce stress.
Schedule it on your calendar for the week ahead. Setting a specific date increases follow-through.
Break it up if it will take more than an hour. Tackling it in smaller steps makes it more manageable.
Make a list of every action needed before you start. A clear plan helps keep you on track.
Do what works for you—you don’t have to complete every part, just what adds value to your life.
Find an Accountability Partner—having support makes it easier to stay committed.
We understand that building new habits and systems can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. For additional support, visit HappySpacesBySarah.com and let’s make organizing and planning easier together.
Creating a life you don't need a vacation from! ®
Sincerely,
Sarah Weingarten
Meet Sarah
As the oldest of nine kids with two working parents, I grew up juggling many responsibilities at home. Organization and time management became my lifeline amidst the chaos.
I attended the Cornell Hotel School and pursued my childhood dream of working in the hospitality industry. In 2016, I launched Happy Spaces, combining my passion for structure and efficiency with helping others.
I love working with students to develop essential organizational, time management, and study skills. These skills empower them to reach their full potential, build confidence, and create a future they feel good about.